The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) said they didn’t think their agents “did anthing wrong!”
Go ahead, call the headless horsemen of the Apocalypse now, the world is ending today! Believe it or not we are still living in America, land of the free, home of the brave! Whats frightening, even as I am saying that, I am feeling as if we no longer live in America and the America that my fathers and your fathers father grew up in is no longer. Muslims will walk through the safegaurds with their Burkas and Turbans and cant be touched, cant disturb their religious preferences, but let granny try to get through wearing a diaper, God forbid!
Let me set the stage! The womans daughter, Mrs Jane Weber from Florida, was asked to come get her mother cause grandma was sick and was pretty sure she was facing her last days. Grandma even received two units of blood just a few days before so her daughters trip would be easier for her and hopefully she could garner enough strenghth to make the 3 hour flight to her final destination. She was hinting and was sure her last days were inevitable, riddled with cancer and a valiant request for comfort measures was going to be respected, her battle for life was over or so she thought. Mrs Weber picks up her mom in the Destin-Fort Walton area, her last exit from the humble abode she has resided in most of her life. After a short visit, a good nights sleep and the final arrangements made Mrs Weber brings her mother to the Airport.
Her wheelchair slowly rolling down the hallway, leukemia leaving her as weak as water, an eagle eyed TSA agent spots her looking “suspicious” and a high threat level for a terrorist act, bulge in her pants at 12 oclock.. The Agent begins to frisk the little old lady and as he is groping his way around her frail body, he makes a huge discovery! As he slowly probes her body he feels a bulge between her legs, a supicious package, a gelatinous residue of piss and absorbent! Speaking from experience, mothers and healthcare workers know this, when you piss your diaper it expands and becomes thick and gelatinous on the diaper. Remember, this lady only wants to go home sit on her front porch, visit with her family one last time, perhaps see a few grandchildren she has never seen and die! It is that simple, but Barney Fife is on to something. He pulls the wheelchair with the 105 pound potential terrorist into a secure area, stage two of the interrogation begins. The TSA agent request s that the “explosive flammable object” he discovered between her legs must be removed immediately and examined. Grandmas inability to stand has made her a further threat, the same threat as if she were a walking terrorist refusing to go through the scanner.
Grandma gets wheeled into the “special room” for the complete search! This aint no joke right now! TSA Agent Barney Fife is seeing a promotion in his rear view window, by God, and its gonna happen soon. Tears from grandmas eyes doesn’t deter Barney as he unclothes the frail skinny cancer ridden old woman who has probably lived long enough now to hear first hand stories of the civil war, watched the Titanic sink and live through the depression, segregation and 5 or 6 wars.
Grandma naked except for her bulging depends adult diaper. Folks, right now I am so mad I find it hard to be objective and empathetic. Forget about it! I am not in that role right now! Grandma tearful sitting in her chair, humiliated and embarassed as strange men see and feel her body that prbably only one man has ever seen, she hears the following words from Barney! “Got to remove the depends” You go hero, you thwarted a terrorist grandma from blowing up her pissy diaper! Good job, sleep well tonight.
The Daughter approaches her and asks grandma to lift her bottom. As grandma inches her bottom, security experts observe to make sure she is not going to explode or ignite while rubbing two naked wire together, she lifts so slowly and upwards so her daughterdaughter can grab the “explosive diaper device” and eases it from her mother, hands it to 3 forensic TSA agents and they wisk it away for analysis in a nearby explosives lab. I hope to God that is smelled of day old piss and these guys were gagging on their discovery.
Strange men have probably never seen her body in this form, run down from perhaps years of delivering babies, working on the farm, breast feeding vibrant children. She sits there, her buttocks damp with urine attaches to the rubber in the chair, Im sure cold to touch and as chill bumps form on the on the little lady who has probably lived her life in dignity and solitude has now been defiled and humiliated to the point of desperation.
The daughter begins to cry as she knows momma sits there with perhaps a low grade fever from the rampant leukemia attacking her white blood cells. The drums of overregulation and government oversight sound loudly. Barney retreats to his managers office as grandma shivers. “what do we do with her? As he reeport to perahps a dozen other TSA Agents, her threat level is now high and off the charts and you know we cant think on our own and make a decision, so we must wait to release her from def con 4.. The daughter covers her with a table cloth she finds in a nearby breakroom and the quaint yet appropriate sundress that she can no longer wear because of her incontinence. The TSA agents are running test on the piss stained diaper as if it were C4.
After 4 hours of exhaustive deliberation and scanning the computer for policies and procedures Barney returns with the verdict. FREE HER, IT DID NOT IGNITE, SHE MAY ENTER THE PLANE! As she prepares for her final journey the flight attendant whispers “Please put a diaper on her so she doesn’t soil the seat for the next person that may fly our airlines”, Thank you very much and have a safe flight, fly with again soon!
Bradley County News Network 